Intriguing. A truck hits your bike. But the real drama lies in your relationship, and the way you communicate the facts and feelings of a truck hitting your bike.
The minimalist prose style does a lot of work here. How the narrator pre-emptively defends against expected criticism mirrors the learned responses from parental patterns, even when the girlfriend isn't actually criticizing. That displacement of upsetness idea is interesting, like when people can't sit with discomfort so they redirect into blame loops. Been there for sure.
I couldn't find any change in the protagonist. Two events occur: a truck strikes and damages the rear wheel of his bicycle, and later he breaks up with his girlfriend. Where are the stakes? I see almost no tension. What does the protagonist want? His girlfriend want? I don't see it on the page. He wants to fix his bicycle, good. Maybe I'm built too low to the ground, because it all went over my head.
Intriguing. A truck hits your bike. But the real drama lies in your relationship, and the way you communicate the facts and feelings of a truck hitting your bike.
Like it a lot.
trap out the bando
Enjoyed this! Keep up the good work, Tao.
The minimalist prose style does a lot of work here. How the narrator pre-emptively defends against expected criticism mirrors the learned responses from parental patterns, even when the girlfriend isn't actually criticizing. That displacement of upsetness idea is interesting, like when people can't sit with discomfort so they redirect into blame loops. Been there for sure.
I couldn't find any change in the protagonist. Two events occur: a truck strikes and damages the rear wheel of his bicycle, and later he breaks up with his girlfriend. Where are the stakes? I see almost no tension. What does the protagonist want? His girlfriend want? I don't see it on the page. He wants to fix his bicycle, good. Maybe I'm built too low to the ground, because it all went over my head.