I bought the book after our chat about it a few months ago but just haven't had a chance to read it yet.
The over the top strictness that crosses the line into harshness really saddens me. Throwing a kid against the door for swearing? I think that we have a problem culturally where we misunderstand our faith, and we overexaggerate the focus on certain rules vs. the actual biggest principles within it (worship of one God, justice, dignity, etc). It's sad because the people who do this are the most "committed" to the faith and therefore the loudest voices, but are certainly not the best representatives of it, and, as you described so well in the piece, have the negative impact of pushing other people away.
I am glad he managed to reconcile his own personal position, and it's so sweet that the ending of the book has him come back to the same mosque his Baba used to take him, but with both his dad and his son. I hope he's able to pass along a softer, kinder impression of the faith to his kid than what was passed down to him, although I know that no matter what, our kids will always have some scarring from us. It's basically impossible to avoid.
So many more thoughts on this one: the story of the Bedouin man who came into the Prophet's mosque and urinated and the companions wanted to beat him up or drag him out and the Prophet told them to calm down, the story of the Prophet telling his wife Aisha that God is gentle and loves gentleness... I just... I wonder where all the harshness came from when he only preached gentleness? I mean, I know part of the answer: decades and centuries under colonialism and subjugation have an enormous impact.
I keep hearing about the importance of separating culture from faith. That seems the simplest explanation of how harshness creeps in. Mercy is what brought me to faith, not punishment or debate.
Do you mean that separating culture from faith seems like how harshness creeps in, or mixing them up seems like how harshness creeps in?
I should clarify that when I talk about separating culture from faith, I'm specifically referring to the fact that there are cultural elements that fully contradict faith that people are then dogmatic about. I'm thinking of some of the ways women are treated that are attributed to faith but are cultural only, for example. I agree that generally speaking, culture enriches faith and can be such a beautiful addition, as long as people understand that they are interwoven rather than the same thing.
I meant (as you say more eloquently) that mixing culture and faith seems to lead to harshness. Because there should be no compulsion regarding faith, I struggle to understand dogmatism. There are certain things that seem clear to me, but that I have to remind myself are between me and Allah. If someone is not actively harming me or directly asking my opinion, their choices are their business.
I’m slowly working my way through a tazkiya (self-purification) series online and there’s a huge focus on making sure that I am applying my teachings to myself only, not to anyone else, and that as soon as I start applying these teachings to other people, I’m actually failing at the self-purification because now I’ve appointed myself as the judge, and I have no right to judge anyone else. So I think it’s great that you are able to see that you should stay out of other people’s choices.
I bought the book after our chat about it a few months ago but just haven't had a chance to read it yet.
The over the top strictness that crosses the line into harshness really saddens me. Throwing a kid against the door for swearing? I think that we have a problem culturally where we misunderstand our faith, and we overexaggerate the focus on certain rules vs. the actual biggest principles within it (worship of one God, justice, dignity, etc). It's sad because the people who do this are the most "committed" to the faith and therefore the loudest voices, but are certainly not the best representatives of it, and, as you described so well in the piece, have the negative impact of pushing other people away.
I am glad he managed to reconcile his own personal position, and it's so sweet that the ending of the book has him come back to the same mosque his Baba used to take him, but with both his dad and his son. I hope he's able to pass along a softer, kinder impression of the faith to his kid than what was passed down to him, although I know that no matter what, our kids will always have some scarring from us. It's basically impossible to avoid.
So many more thoughts on this one: the story of the Bedouin man who came into the Prophet's mosque and urinated and the companions wanted to beat him up or drag him out and the Prophet told them to calm down, the story of the Prophet telling his wife Aisha that God is gentle and loves gentleness... I just... I wonder where all the harshness came from when he only preached gentleness? I mean, I know part of the answer: decades and centuries under colonialism and subjugation have an enormous impact.
I keep hearing about the importance of separating culture from faith. That seems the simplest explanation of how harshness creeps in. Mercy is what brought me to faith, not punishment or debate.
Do you mean that separating culture from faith seems like how harshness creeps in, or mixing them up seems like how harshness creeps in?
I should clarify that when I talk about separating culture from faith, I'm specifically referring to the fact that there are cultural elements that fully contradict faith that people are then dogmatic about. I'm thinking of some of the ways women are treated that are attributed to faith but are cultural only, for example. I agree that generally speaking, culture enriches faith and can be such a beautiful addition, as long as people understand that they are interwoven rather than the same thing.
I meant (as you say more eloquently) that mixing culture and faith seems to lead to harshness. Because there should be no compulsion regarding faith, I struggle to understand dogmatism. There are certain things that seem clear to me, but that I have to remind myself are between me and Allah. If someone is not actively harming me or directly asking my opinion, their choices are their business.
I’m slowly working my way through a tazkiya (self-purification) series online and there’s a huge focus on making sure that I am applying my teachings to myself only, not to anyone else, and that as soon as I start applying these teachings to other people, I’m actually failing at the self-purification because now I’ve appointed myself as the judge, and I have no right to judge anyone else. So I think it’s great that you are able to see that you should stay out of other people’s choices.